Wasn't I worth it?

I was someone who grew up with a lot of unexpected experiences. I have encountered triggering things, but gladly that did not affect me that much. In fact, I learned to ignore the things that are happening. I tend to shut down and move away from the bad noises that surround this family and me. When I was young, I had this hobby of writing "I Love my family" everywhere. I loved to express what I felt when I spend time with them, especially with my relatives. But as problems arise, things slowly changed.

I relied on spending time with my friends. It kind of balanced my being as a kid growing up in this unique family. I remember the days where 80% of my time was with my friends in their homes, and I remember the fun things we spent. I am someone who cherishes moments like this. I love spending time with people I am comfortable with. But there was this first time where I asked, "Wasn't I worth it?"

I don't think I'll be able to forget that day. At such a young age, I felt worthless. That hurt me so much. I thought maybe it was because we weren't part of those wealthy classes. But no, it was just me, because I remember my brother being there too and he was allowed to spend time with his friend in that family, But I wasn't.

At the end of the day, my friend and I talked about this. Sadly, no questions were answered. Today, although we don't talk that much anymore, and if we do, it's all different. I still feel worthless when I encounter them, but I just got better at pretending to be ok and move on. I guess, for now, that is better for me. I think I'm the only one who even remembers this. It's sad how I just randomly thought about this experience again. But what can I do? It's imprinted in my brain.

Good Evedawn, Everyone.